2010

When I started writing in this blog I stated that it would be about things I enjoyed in life, rather than to complain (all to easy) about things that didnt work out. But..2010 was such a hard year for me, and with today being new years eve I want to look back on it, even if just to draw a line beneath it.

First, and mostly, this was the year where I injured my pelvis, rendering me unable to run, play sport, hike or even socialise to a normal extent. While specialists tell me this had been coming for a while, the injury happened in Feburary, where (being under a lot of stress at having to move apartments) I felt a rending tear in my left groin while playing playing indoor soccer, painful enough to stop me from sleeping that night. I didnt think much of it at first, my thoughts were of 'groin strain' or 'pulled hamstring'.

This was the start of my nightmare, as physios, specialists and massage therapists all gave me conflicting reasons and treatments for the pain. The pain then developed into an abdominal pain when trying to run, and then most recently (and most frighteningly) lower back pain and discomfort when sitting and standing.

It was diagnosed as 'Osteitis Pubis', which turned out to mean nothing more than 'inflamed pubic bone'. This coupled with a pelvic instability, and tense back muscles all combined to make what seems to be an incredibly difficult condition to treat. I have been doing core strengthening exercises for months now, to no great effect, though the intention is to have my core hold my pelvis stable. My back pain has eased, but not gone - in part to rest, in part to back releasing exercises. The groin and abdominal pain I know are there, waiting for me, should I try and run again.

Working with all these experts has been tough, they dont seem to be able to treat me in a way that makes sense to me, there is no plan, no dates, no goals - just endless "try this"
and "maybe try that instead". I feel like they dont know know exactly what is wrong with me, and I should be content with that. I have been too passive with them, my natural deference to those in experts fields not doing me well. I am having to diagnose myself to a large extent, and make decisions on whether these experts are doing the right thing for me.

Not being able to sit for long periods of time made it hard working in IT, and made me wonder more than once if I would have to quit my job. More than this it has just been so hard not to run, and have an active, social lifestyle. Running for example had pretty quickly become everything to me last year, undoubtedly one of the best years of my life. This year, I would say has been one of the hardest, if not the worst.

So what does 2011 promise? I know I need to stay positive, but it becomes so hard as time slips by with no real progress. I would give everything I have to be better again, all my money, all my possessions, my job... The one thing that has been great though has been my friends, who have given what support they could, and kept me from going too crazy as empty weekends drift by.

2010 also made me realise that my job is definitaly one of convenience, the people are very nice, the workload light, and my manager leaves me alone for the most part. However I dont really acheive much, or learn, and in different circumstances (being healthy) I would move on to something a little more self-respect worthy. While Im hurt though, I need its stability and flexibility, as well as lack of stress.

Goals for 2011? with the obvious major goal of getting healthy aside, its the normal resolutions, try to be more social, try to learn new things, and get excited about life. I used to be someone who could change everything in my life in a heartbeat if it appealed, I would like to remember how to do that. DB