After 6 months of stretching, uncertainty, solitude and struggle, I am doing two fairly important things to me - first, I am going to Melbourne with my friend Sasha for a random two day trip, and secondly Im working towards getting arthroscopic surgery on my left hip. This is a milestone for me, I am determined that from here things will improve.
The Melbourne trip is pretty important because it has become very easy for me to feel the injury has got the best of me, and to retreat from the world - basically fight my way through the week, rest and meet friends in the weekend, and not much else. I havent had any motivation to travel, move on to a more healthy working environment, or try and improve things socially - and I know how important for me to do this, depression does not help my recovery, and it sounds kind of dramatic, but as to paraphrase Clint Eastwood, if you aint busy living, then get busy dying'
Things arent great, I cant sugarcoat it - but Im definately better in my head than the start of the year, I have my bad weeks (like this week), but overall I feel I can manage it - and one thing I have never done is accept it as a disability - and Im proud of myself for that. I will keep trying whatever I can, and it may take years but I will be myself again.
One thing I need to do though, is move on, and I guess the Melbourne trip is the first step towards that. Sasha is a good friend, and maybe it will be great, maybe just intersting, I dont know - but the fact I am doing it says something. The next step is joining the world in other ways, especially socially. Its been a long time since I have met people outside my immediate group, and I want to. For me, sport is the key for meeting people, but obviously Im limited, but its not impossible. A big part of my recovery is relaxing, not thinking about it too much, letting go etc etc - impossible unfortunately, but I can improve.
Onward and upward
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